apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize