i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
