And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
