Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
how does that bad decision feel?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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