It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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