i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
