He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
