dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Terrible idea I love it
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
