my soul wont recognize me after tonight
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
