Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize