you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
