you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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