he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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