she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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