wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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