false alarm. still invincible.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
