I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
