made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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