it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
