Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
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