you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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