I will die if light touches me.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
