Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
