When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
