walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
