just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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