Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
