I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
