I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
