if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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