Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize