just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
