Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
