i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize