i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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