Whatcha textin bout Willis?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
