I think my fart just growled at me.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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