so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
