At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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