I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
