I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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