"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
