i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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