I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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