His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
