i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
