like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
