I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
