You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Is Oprah even human
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
