Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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