I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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