Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I think people are normalizing furries
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
