So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
