had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
