I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
