Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
When are your genitals available?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
