so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
