can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
