she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
