I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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