Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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