haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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