I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
