We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Randomize
