Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
