We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
