I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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