I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize