Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
