no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
